MEAN AS HELL

The devil in hell we're told was chained

A thousand years he there remained
He neither complained nor did he groan

But was determined to start a hell of his own.
Where he could torment the souls of men

Without being chained in a prison pen
So he asked the Lord if he had on hand

Anything left when he made this land.
The Lord said yes there's a plenty of hand

But if I left it down by the Rio Grande
The fact is ol' boy the stuff is so poor
I don't think you could use it as the hell anymore.
But the devil went down to look at the truck
And said if he took it as a gift he was stuck
For after lookin' that over carefully and well

He said this place is too dry for hell.

But in order to get it off his hand

The Lord promised the devil to water the land
So trade was closed and deed was given

And the Lord went back to his home in heaven.
And the devil said now I got all what's needed

To make it good hell and he succeeded.
He began by putting thorns all over the trees
He mixed up the sand with millions of fleas.

He scattered tarantulas along the road

Put thorns on cactus and horns on toad
Lenghtened the horns of the Texas steer

Put an addition to the rabbits ear.
Put a little devil in the bronco steed

And poisoned the feet of the centipede
The rattlesnake bites you the scorpion stings
The mosquito delights you with his buzzing wings

The sunburst are there and so the ants
And if you sit down you'll need half soles on your pants
The wild boar rooms on a black chaparral

It’s a hell of a place that he has for hell.
The heat in the summers are hundred and ten

Too hot for the devil too hot for men
The red pepper grows upon the banks of the brook
The Mexican use it in all that he cook.

Just dine it with one of 'em and you're bound to shout
I've hell on the inside as well as the out
My hands are calloused July to July

I use a Big Dipper to navigate by.
Fight off the wolves to drink from my well

So I have to be mean as hell.

A sheep herder came and put up the fence
I saw him one day but I ain't seen him since.

But if you need a mutton we got mutton to sell
We're cowpunchers and we're mean as hell.
Neither me nor my pony's got a pedigree

But he takes me where I'm wantin' to be.
I'll ride him to death and when he is fell

I'll get me another one mean as hell
I shot me a calf and I cut off her head
’Cause the boys in the bunkhouse are waitin' to be fed.

They rise in chime with the five thirty bell
And the best one of any of 'em is mean as Hell.